he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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