Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize