I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize