Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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