I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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