Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
