Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
