I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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