Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
