I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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