Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
