I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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