hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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