He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
