dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
