nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
