I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
