i would punch a child for taco bell
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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