I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
