Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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