guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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