I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
