I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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