I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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