So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
