i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
