Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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