She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
