So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
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he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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