Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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