Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
