Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NoShamevember. You game?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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