I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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