I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
