Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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