If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
