Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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