Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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