Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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