But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
