Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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