This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no you cant smoke seaweed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
