His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
