butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He better not be in your backpack
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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