i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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