I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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