I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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