i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
