He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
