Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
