found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
