please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
