I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
