You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
