I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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