Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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