made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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