I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
