i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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