wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
