so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
