I must be too annoying 4 u.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
