reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
