Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
