Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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