he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
