You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
