I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
