After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
