there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize