I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
