just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
